everyday with my son

Small stories of how it all went along

Archive for the category “Mostly Kenzo”

Whew! That was a close call. I thought that is the end of it.
I suffered Diarrhea for about 10 days and it made me badly weak and dizzy, I had to go to the bathroom for about 10 times a day, for 10 days and it was really horrible. I was sent to the hospital at 2am and they pumped IV fluids in me. On the 9th day it still wont stop and I went to a Gastroentrenologist for help, she gave me a new set of meds and if that wont work I need to go thru Colonoscopy. Now that was a deal breaker, Colonoscopy is something I am not willing to do, it is embarrassing and expensive. SO if it will come to that I have to choose the easy way out.

I am fine with losing my life, as I had reached my peak and all seems to go downhill. I think the best part of my life and the best me was over.
Though I am ok with dying, I am not ready now. We are on the early stages of building our house, Kenzo will start at his big school and Liam has not been to the US with Kenzo yet.
I need to tick a few more boxes before I am ok to go, I think hopefully within 5 years, surely it should be.

 

Update: All is well and back to normal.  

We celebrated a birthday

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Mum’s birthday was yesterday and it was kinda tough because of how RAMBUNCTIOUS Liam and Kenzo can be. When I was told that we are gonna eat out I suggested that it is perhaps better to eat at home, take out some food from a resto and enjoy at the comforts of our home. I am worried that if we eat at a nice resto there might be a chaos–named Liam and Kenzo that we might not be able to handle.

We all started at about 6pm and by around 6:30 we are all at the tables deciding on what to eatr. It is a nice Casual Dining place called Yabu and the ambiance is nice, lighting subdued and other diners are fairly quiet. Then in a few minutes  they both started to make the chopsticks as their drumsticks and later as a harry Potter’s wand. A while after they shifted to  walk over the long couch, climb the seats, fight for M&Ms, playfully act around, shout, fake cry and what really made it worst is when they both grabbed the Mango Juice at the same time and spilled it.

It is both a gift and a curse to have active kids and what I learned is that it is better to lay them off nice restos where you have to wait for a long time for the food to be served, it makes them cranky and they are like a wound up rubber just waiting to spring out. I think they can handle Fast foods where we dont have to spend a long time. It is like order, eat and head out.. to a toy store.

 

Another year

Another year has passed that add another year to this blog. I started this when Kenzo is about a year and a half old and now he is to turn 7 by Oct and now we have Liam along with us.

Currently I am with Kenzo downstairs.  He is eating some snacks and watching Ryan Toy Review on youtube while Liam is upstairs taking a nap.

BTW, today is mum’s birthday and I think there would be some fancy dinner at the mall tonight.

Well, hope to edit all my previous post to make it readable but looking back at it it looks daunting.

Hope all will be good for another year. I hope for another trip and we are all exicited how the house will look like when it is done.

Ciao!

Snappish

I am off Zolodin, my own decision to stop, and I often find myself being irritable, impatient and snappish. Since I am often with my kids they get the load of my “attitude”. I am giving them a hard time all because I am battling my inner demons and a load of crap on my shoulders that is now getting heavier as days go past.

I am now not  being a good parent and I know I am more of a liability than am asset in my family.  I shout at Kenzo , will show him my disappointment and disgust in him when he did wrong.  I get irritated when things gets hard, when play becomes to aggressive and they wont stop, i get frustrated and I will snap.

It is not a life I should be giving to both of my kids, not a parent that I should be…

 

GOT AN APPROVAL

I got an approval from Mum to “SNIP LIFE OFF THE ROOTS” (if it is vague, that is my intention to try to cover it up and make it sound cute.).

We were driving together and we touched on the topic of house construction. I asked about how is the loan going? because right now (2 May 2017) we already started construction but it is all from the savings account and not from the loan. Without the loan we will end up with just a few post, walls and not a real house because we dont have enough money to complete the house. So, that loan is very important, but right now what we got is a bank assurance that they are going to give the money but not the actual money.

So I said, doomsday scenario will be the money from the bank will not arrive and we will end up with just walls and holes on the ground. Mum hated me for being too negative, she said my pessimism affects her and pull her down. She said, if I am going to be like that (negative) it is better for me to “SNIP LIFE OFF THE ROOTS” (she did not say that exact words.  what she said was  a very direct reference to deed). I got a bit excited because at least your mum will be one less person I will be guilty about.

Then we discussed how the husband of their client’s did it, she just asked me not to do it in our house and car.. that is all her request but she really said I think it is ok for me to go. I told her about how I planned to do it and she even suggested a few things but I offered my inputs about what would be the least painful way to “SNIP LIFE OFF THE ROOTS” hahaha.. that again, huh? maybe by now you hated that phrase already.

KENZO AND LIAM

I have to do it, I am tired. of course I want to stay longer and see both of you grow but it is really tough for me, very tough.. see even your mum approved of it… 🙂 as they say, mothers knows best and I think on that minute her advice was spot on. bye hopefully real soon.

What a question.

Kenzo just a few hours ago complained about his asthma and his itchy body and  asked us “why are these things happenning to me?”

I knew Kenzo is kinda like me and I am scared of it. I am suffering from PDD or Dysthmia or three decades now and the way Kenzo forward his question ,silently I knew, he is capable of deep thought, critical thinking, introspection, self analysis etc. Which are good things but also all of those can be a good push towards depression.

At an early age, he is already being hard on himself, maybe starting to dislike his situation, perhaps starting to realized that he is not getting a fair deal from life and these scared me. I knew how painful depression is and how it can ruin anyone and now I am faced with the possibility that I might have passed this gene to my kid.

Kenzo just broke his arm and was just healed a week ago, but now he has asthma and some rashes all over his body. He is in a bad state and the month of March and April has not been good to him.

When I was asked that question. I dont know the answer and I just gave the best BS i can think of. I just said, “he gotta do good things as good things will happen to those who do nice things” I asked his mum to massage him, I put on Vicks on his foot and covered it with socks, we  put Calmoseptine on his rashes and sang him a lullaby.

Kenzo is one brillant kid but I think his pre-disposition to sadness can be a hurdle to get what he wants in life… I just hope he will snap out of it and not fall the way I did.

Foreigner?

The Nana of Liam had been asked a countless of times, if Liam is a foreigner’s son or at least one of the parents are.  Liam has a different face and not very filipino, more Far eastern asian than south eastern. He can pass as a Chinese, Japanese or Korean and not very believable as a pinoy.

Some of the good points of Liam is his being pleasant and friendly, it seems he likes all people and would say “hi”, “bye”, “hello” to strangers automatically.

When he is dressed in real nice clothes I still always marveled how he look good, really, not because I am biased, but because really he is damn nice.

I ain’t religious

I am not religious. I had read more of R. Dawkins, C. Hitchens than bible verses. The only time I will watch a religious program is to be amused on how hard they try, how they make it dramatic, how they scare people with guilt and the ultimate punishment of eternal fire and that part they ask for donation always cracks me up.

Now I am remiss in teaching my kids about God, Jesus etc. I really struggle because I myself is not 100 or even 10% into it. Good thing the school is squeezing a few bits and pieces about it otherwise they will be the only kids in this uber religious part of the world that cannot understand that if you pray Jesus can win you basketball games, make you pass exams, keep storm, floods, earthquake away from you. I will also struggle to explain how there are very poor people and very rich ones and why God don’t bother to assist the poor once in a while  to balance it all out.

But really how can I explain that Jesus is actually the son of God, but he is also a son of Joesph and Mary but Joseph is not his real dad.. yes, Mary is the real mom but God is not the husband. Now Jesus was sent here to wash our sins.. which was committed by Adam and Eve when they disobeyed God. yes, it is the sin of Adam and Eve but since we are human decendants of them we also get to be part of that original sin.  God sent Jesus , his son, to earth from heaven to show us the way, get crucified, and die violently on the cross. after being dead for 3 days, he will resurrect and fly back to heaven.. yes, he flew like being transported up, similar to how aliens kidnap earthlings to their spaceship. It is like an invisible vacumn tube that just pull him up to the sky. Now by accepting Jesus that will wash away all that sin we inherited from the first humans. Now we need to accept Jesus with all our heart, it can not be half-hearted otherwise that will not count… and yada yada

Come what may, I just hope school will do its job because I cannot do that religious part.

We. Bad. Parents.

We are the worst parents, but mostly it is just mum whose voice showered the neighborhood with loud curses, nags, commands etc.. to a strangers who would pass by and hear her would think that our kids (mostly it is Kenzo) was being tortured, but really I think he is already, traumatized and scarred for life from all the nagging, emotional and psychological punishment he got from his mum.

Now since I stopped taking my Zolodin, I get to be easily upset with his noise and his mum.  When Kenzo will act stubborn,  whine, fakes his cry his mum will shout loudly, curse and say really bad things to the kid.  She will shout, get mad to scare Kenzo to stop it.. but Kenzo will be more scared and end up crying more. It would be a cycle everytime, in the morning before going to work and at night after work. I used to be just passive (as much as I can)  and would just go and hide in my room and let all the noise settle but since I am off Zolodin, I think I can easily lose my patience as well.

I used to take the “good cop” role but now mum and I are both the bad cops. Kenzo is on the receiving end of all these and the saddest part he is only 6 years old.

Honestly, I am now without patience to deal with Kenzo. I am very close in hurting him physically. I will not be surprised that one day he will get welts and bumps. I just cannot control all the noise. I am struggling to control my anger.

I think we are stuck in a deep shit that we (but mostly his mum) created. She spoiled Kenzo and no matter how I try to correct her ways before, she is too stubborn to even listen and just like in many things in our household that my thoughts dont carry any weight, I am just an added noise in the house.

I used to offer suggestion on how we should do our parenting and maybe ( if I am heard) we had not created Kenzo to be bratty, defiant kid. But all my thoughts to his mum are just nothing bookish theories.

We created all these troubles that kenzo is in and now we are punishing kenzo for all the issues we dug for him. WE are indeed stupid and bad at the same time. Sorry Kenzo but life gave you us, the worst parents on the planet.

Spoiled B.

After their US trip, mostly mum mentioned to me was how Kenzo threw tantrums and became very uncontrollable. He cried over a little disagreement, showed disdain when things did not go his way, quite aggressive to other kids etc..

His mum showed all the fatigue and the effects of what I had been trying to warn to her about many times before,  that she was doing her parenting wrong, but like many of what I said it fell on deaf ears.

One thing that I hammered to her before was from Tiger Mom Amy Chua who said something like ” Our Job as parents is not to be liked by our children… but to teach them…”  As parents we wanted our kids to have all things they want, do all the things they enjoy etc.. not knowing that we are already hurting them by making them weak, entitled, lazy. Our instinct is to pamper them rather than teach them, we choose short term gains than long term results. We wanted them to be happy now and not knowing that as adults they will turn out to be lazy, entitled, depressed, unadjusted etc.

Now Kenzo turned into a bit of monster, created by being spoiled by his mum’s way and now she was giving up and showing her frustration on Kenzo, which in fact a problem she created.

I remember when we started our house construction, she wanted just her  plan and then it went over the budget and after losing  P60,000 then she came to me and  asked me for a way out, while when I offered help prior to spending the money (which just like in many things) was dismissed as a nuisance.  Now after burning the money I am all of a sudden a bright spot to offer help. By the way, our house project is about to start and she was back in planning it and I try to warn her about things, but I am again waived off. I think she is building our house like most that goes over the budget. She is starting the build from the top, she is building starting from the expensive fixtures, locks, lighting, bathroom, finishes etc while not concentrating on the basic first before moving up. Ex: she is shopping for the best toilets but not making sure that we will get strong and consistent water first.  Our water supply here is close to African desert level pressure is weak and that is if we are lucky, sometimes we don’t get any.

Now I am asked (again) for help, “when the shit hits the fan”, I am now asked to look for a fix. It is frustrating  to be set aside, dismissed and when things go bad I am now all of the sudden important and pulled in to clean up.   I hated it and I honestly hated doing it but sadly I am in the same sinking boat and hardly got no choice.

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