everyday with my son

Small stories of how it all went along

Hope

I was told that Kenzo debated with his Aunt Ting and he insisted his momsie ain’t going to get well anymore and when asked how he got that idea Kenzo pointed at me.

Yes, I must confess, I told him that. That was when we were about to visit momsie and just to set Kenzo’s expectations on what he is going to see and what momsie current state was. I told him that she is very, very sick and to see momsie well and doing stuff with him that they previously did together will not happen anymore, never. I guess, I am just being to realistic on my assumptions and did not bother to sugar coat it with fairy tales. I am often honest to Kenzo and I would want to talk to him like an adult and that assumption that momsie is ain’t well is an example of those convos.

But really, momsie is not well and will never be. No one can deny that it is all going downhill.  And this got me thinking when do the love ones decide that it is over? That all the expenses is for naught.That we are just burning all our cash for nothing. That all our life saving will just be handed over to the doctors, therapists, hospitals and drugstores. I think ending up losing the battle and quite broke is a double blackeye, not considering the stress and the tension we carry everyday due to it. But really this is an emotional decision and not a logical one. Love, I think, will mostly prevail over cost and realities.

We all want momsie well  and hoped that all of the suffering she has now did not happen but, truth be told, she might not recover well from it. Maybe in time he can say a few words again, maybe a “hello” and “bye bye” or walk 5 steps or lift 2 fingers from her right hand. Sadly but I think that is around about it. Based on her current state maybe we are just waiting for the second or third strike of another stroke and that is it. We are delaying the inevitable and just waiting for that next hit. It is not being pessimistic but based on the damaged her body is in now, looks like it is going to be close to impossible that she can be back.

But fortunately I am not God. I really don’t know and just basing my guess on probabilities…  and hopefully I am wrong.

 

 

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