everyday with my son

Small stories of how it all went along

Archive for the month “June, 2016”

US / Bay Area trip III

image-71019f22196f54b06729cbb77d0845c28353cb6d856c60aca0b5a779c4177f6f-V

 

Our last sunday was spent travelling to Napa Valley and we had our lunch in a fancy resto. It was a long drive and we were a bit tired from that trip, sadly  the  weather too did not cooperate as it was warm and humid.

The cool thing in Napa was the Castles we went to and of course the fancy restaurant Culinary Institute of America. I ordered a chicken burger, sandwich with biscuits instead of buns. In few times, me and Kenzo was able to race around the wide grass areas there and that was always fun.

The last weekdays was spent between Menlo, Playground, More Shopping and San Lorenzo plus some more Shopping. I also took advantage of our last few days by stuffing myself with KFC at Mountain View, which I think was the taste of the KFCs I used to eat when I was a kid.

I think what Kenzo wont forget was the playground hopping we did around Silicon Valley. It was pure fun and me being a dad it is one of the many things I am happy to do with Kenzo, sadly there are not many play areas here in PH. We  played  football, frisbee, tag etc… we were joined by Eric, Sam and Susie.  It was really fun and I enjoyed every part of it.

Kenzo left for San Lorenzo thursday night (after our picnic and play  in Atherton ). Kenzo and his mum was picked up by Rhea and that time when they were about to leave was really tough. Primarily, the last 3 days was spent playing with Sam, Eric and I. He really had a great time and when it was time to leave Menlo park Kenzo was very sad. He was really crying and would want to stay and play more. The saddest part was when he said goodbye and thank you to everyone and seeing him leave was painful. I knew I can never go back to the US and look at the playground again without Kenzo, it will be just too painful, I think his laughter, voices are still echoing  in my memory.

So I stayed with Susie for another day and on the next day I planned to pick up Kenzo (friday) so we can again play in the playground for 1  one more day but the whole morning and midday was wet, so  I ended up alone at Gilbert Ave and waited for Sam and Eric to get me afetr school and work.  At dinner time we wete at another fancy restaurant in Palo Alto  the Il Fornio to enjoy  afancy Italian dinner, right after they brought me to San Lorenzo at around 930 pm and saw them for the last time.

The last friday night was again a blast for Kenzo as his cousins were all there especailly Princess and his most favorite Jack. They gambol, hop, jump, run endlessly until after 12mn. It was indeed a perfect night to end Kenzo;s happy trip. And when all the kids were about to go home Kenzo cried a bit.

At San Lorenzo there was a bit of a party and the last hurrah I had when Chris and Reggie brought me to Gerry’s Grill in Union City. It was a melting pot of pinoys and fil-ams. We had beer and enjoy some music and chit-chats and that capped my last night.

Saturday, our last day, was another attempt to do more shopping. We went to nearby mall Bayfair in East Bay, San lorenzo just right after it opened.  We bought a few stuff and rode Uber on our way back.

The remaining hours from 1pm  to 6 pm was spent packing, weighing our boxes, fixing stuff and making our last check before we fly out.

At around 730 we started to get ready, haul our bags to the cars, say our goodbyes and thank yous. That was our last night and the end of  a great, great trip.

Hopefully, I can go back a few more times but from the looks of it I probably will not in the neat future or maybe never. But my trip to US was all have been great, some are tough because I am alone but overall it was surely best time of my life was spent there.

Of all my trips several to Australia (SYD, BNE, VIC) and a lot of times in SFO, NEV, AZ, ORE etc.. the last one is probably the best because we were almost complete and we were with Kenzo (too bad Liam is still a baby) .

I wished we can also do this again and maybe with Liam next time, I am kinda doubtful, i feel, but if not with me at least  mum can bring them

 

 

 

 

Hope

I was told that Kenzo debated with his Aunt Ting and he insisted his momsie ain’t going to get well anymore and when asked how he got that idea Kenzo pointed at me.

Yes, I must confess, I told him that. That was when we were about to visit momsie and just to set Kenzo’s expectations on what he is going to see and what momsie current state was. I told him that she is very, very sick and to see momsie well and doing stuff with him that they previously did together will not happen anymore, never. I guess, I am just being to realistic on my assumptions and did not bother to sugar coat it with fairy tales. I am often honest to Kenzo and I would want to talk to him like an adult and that assumption that momsie is ain’t well is an example of those convos.

But really, momsie is not well and will never be. No one can deny that it is all going downhill.  And this got me thinking when do the love ones decide that it is over? That all the expenses is for naught.That we are just burning all our cash for nothing. That all our life saving will just be handed over to the doctors, therapists, hospitals and drugstores. I think ending up losing the battle and quite broke is a double blackeye, not considering the stress and the tension we carry everyday due to it. But really this is an emotional decision and not a logical one. Love, I think, will mostly prevail over cost and realities.

We all want momsie well  and hoped that all of the suffering she has now did not happen but, truth be told, she might not recover well from it. Maybe in time he can say a few words again, maybe a “hello” and “bye bye” or walk 5 steps or lift 2 fingers from her right hand. Sadly but I think that is around about it. Based on her current state maybe we are just waiting for the second or third strike of another stroke and that is it. We are delaying the inevitable and just waiting for that next hit. It is not being pessimistic but based on the damaged her body is in now, looks like it is going to be close to impossible that she can be back.

But fortunately I am not God. I really don’t know and just basing my guess on probabilities…  and hopefully I am wrong.

 

 

.

When?

Early yesterday morning we visited Momsie. We brought Liam and Kenzo to see her for the first time, since we brought her home. Prior to her stroke almost everytime when she knows her grandkids are dropping by to visit, she will always be there out of her house and already near the car even before we were able to open the car door and get off.

Almost everytime she is there smiling and anticipating once the car door opens her gtandkids will sprang out to see her. Often she will meet the kids clapping, singing a La-La-La song with a little  dance.

But that morning was  all different. No momsie was there to greet us when we arrived, no La-la-la tune etc.

For the second time  (first was in the hospital) Liam and Kenzo saw her in her current state. Liam a bit scared and Kenzo cannot even looked at her. Late in that day, I got curious and I asked Kenzo why did he not talked to momsie or even looked at het. Kenzo answered “dad, she looks ugly now.”

Yeah, his momsie has changed physically. She is very thin now, her body almost drying, a bit twisted and her physical state is wretched, her mouth opened,  tube thru her nose, her left side is practically dead and her right hand involuntarily and constantly tapping. Maybe to Kenzo she is not seeing momsie anymore but another person far from the momsie he knew. Maybe it is hard for him to reconcile what is happening and why momsie has to be in that situation.

While Liam (being a happy kid) still tried to do his tiny stunts of saying “Hi” and “Bye” and his flying kiss but while doing that he was holding his mom tightly, maybe scared.

Too bad, all the things before cannot happen again. Momsie cannot play with her grandchildren like how she used to do. She cannot carry Liam and sway her to sleep, she cannot feed Kenzo sausages or banana to Liam. All of those nice thing are all gone.

Maybe in a few years I will be in momsie’s place, lying in the hospital bed sick and dying. I will see Liam and Kenzo full grown men, while thay about to start their life,  I am about to lose mine. Perhaps, I will wished I can turn back the time  (ironically ) to now, 2016, to play with them more and be the best I can be for them.

Life is indeed mysterious, a puzzle, a joke, happy, sad, cruel and crtazy all mixed together. Sadly we cannot predict the future and the ending of it and truthfully, when I am thinking about it, it scares me. I am scared how my life will run and how  and when it will stop, hopefully quietly and peacefully.

 

Father’s day

Once again it is that day to celebrate fatherhood, and just like years past I am not that giddy about it. No plans, not excited and for me it is just another sunday.

I am not really looking forward to celebrate it and have no plans of squeezing myself in one of those  cramped and noisy restos.

Last year I celebrated it as I was in the USA, Eric was celebrating his and by default I also have to. Last year was nice but it is really eric’s day, not me, we gathered in their dining area and I got a In and Out Burger Shirt as a present. It was a fine night.

This father’s day just like previously I aint have anything planned, it might probably be the worst father’s day because all are still sad on what happened to momsie. Well, inspite of that cloud hanging over everyone it is still a father’s day, hopefully.

 

Celeb

Liam has been getting quite an attention in the mall. At first I cannot beleive it or perhaps a fluke but it seems like almost everyt ime these past few days strangers are approaching Liam and even would take his picture.

They say he is so cute, handsome etc. One thing about Liam is he is very approachable and warm to people. He likes the attention and welcoming strangers is part of him.

I posted it before that the world is made for friendly people. School, work, friendships etc are easy for the outgoing and fortunaely that is what Liam is.

Really hope that he will be this way till he gets old, with that warm glow in his face and a sincere nice smile to partner it with.

Tipping point

In the coming weeks, months etc we are on an uphill climb. I can see the future will be very tense and hard. Why? Because mum will have to go about in keeping momsie well, which is going to be costly and physically and emotionally hard. The cost alone will make a big dent on your budget and that is just a part of the challenge the other part is the caregiving, which is as hard as the cost.

I already suggested a plan to make  it all a bit bearable, like making the whole predicament a team play where effort of each one will be needed and not one to be allowed to slack off and escape the responsibilities. But then again, I am sure mum will not listen and will just keep what she thinks is fine. I feel that mum will handle most of the cost and most of the work, decision making, petty issues, day to day caregiving.. in other words on her shoulder will lie keeping momsie well.

I would like to see a team effort, where the one who will pay will be excuse to most of the caregiving and those who will not contribute much money will do most of the work.

But even with the best plan, best team play we are still all heading to a tough battle. As a family this is going to be our toughest and bad ass problem we are going to handle and it looks like it is going to be hard to escape this all unscathed. In the end we as a family will be slighly (hopefully) less happy, in the end we will all be bruised, tired and about ready to give up.

 

Munchy

Munchy is a small pillow of Kenzo since he was a yr old, he never sleep without it in his side.  Everywhere we will go, that tequire us to sleep over Munchy will be there or else it will be hard for kenzo  to start his sleep.

On our vacations Munchy will be there, sleep over to momsie’s house Munchy will be there, sleeping in the car Munchy will be there and just recently when we went to USA we brought Munchy,  inside the plane, when we move from San Lorenzo to Menlo Park it is there.

In the plane to and from USA Kenzo  will even show Munchy when we were landing, will show him the view.  We can hear him say, “Munchy we are flying !”

To make it short, Munchy is his comfort to make him sleep and he did that most of his young life.

But after arriving from the USA, (for some  stupid reason) the maid decided on her own to throw it. it is true after of almost 5 years of use, Munchy looks old and  dirty but since the maid knows ( in fact even other people who dont lived with us knows) that is very important to kenzo she should have not done what she did.

On that morning when Kenzo learned that his pillow was gone, I saw sadness and frusttation on his face that I never saw before. He lost his bestpal was tough and he creid a lot and loudly that morning. When his mum learned about this the maid got scolded for it ( that we almost dont do ) and I too also joined the fray. I think we fired the maid for that, she has other faults but that one put the “final nail on the coffin”.

Munchy is in a dump somewhere rotting along with other garbage or maybe, hopefully someone picked him up and gave him a good wash and reused him.  Wherever he might be Kenzo will not forget him for the comfort  and for being his best pal of all time.

Post Navigation