everyday with my son

Small stories of how it all went along

Rosario

Just like that it ended. It happened so fast and we are all caught unaware. Nov 3 at around 11am I got a call from Raymond informing me of an accident involving my mother. Initially, details are sketchy and vague. Info starts to pour in after a few more minutes until the news of her death got to me.

It was a rushed situation, I was needed at the hospital to make some decision and to sign some paperworks. I was not able to get sooner as I have to wait for Tereh and the problem of squeezing thru manila’s traffic made my arrival in the hospital quite late, it toook me about 3 hours to get there.

When I reached the hospital she was dead. our relatives and her friends was there waiting for more news and my arrival. AFter that all just went at a faster pace and finding myself identifying her body in the morgue and deciding on what casket my mother will be put in. At around that moment I am faced with the truth that she is gone and will never see her again.

Me and my Mother almost never see each other ‘eye to eye”. We dont hate each other but we just dont see things in the same way. Maybe it is the age gap or probably information gap. What I know is not the same as what she knows. How I understand is not how she understands. It is a complex situation and me or her was not willing to budge. We clash on many things but goodthing it dont escalate into a fight or a war. It is a ‘nice to irritated’ kind of relationship but fortunately it dont really get to a hateful situation.

I never really had a bonding momment with my mother and we never really hug or kiss like any parent-son relationship and I think this made our relationship at “arms-length” kinda thing.

Looking back, she may not be the best mother to me but she is a really great lola. If there is something I truly regret now it is that opportunity where I missed giving her more chance to be a lola to my kids. She was a great lola but due to my complaints of the travel time, traffic etc I was not able to get my kids see their lola more often and that is really crushing. I failed to recognize at that time that she wants to see and enjoy her grandkids and to give a chance to my kids to know their lola well.

That cliche ‘if I can turn back time’ is overused but really it is the only thimg I would wish for at a situation like this. I would wish for a better things, better time, less time to hate and more time to care.

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