everyday with my son

Small stories of how it all went along

Archive for the month “October, 2014”

A kinda really bad day

photo-48

And then it happened. Morning of 28 Sept we decided to go to the hospital as liquid discharge started to seep out. We ate our breakfast, fix our things and made last few mental notes on what else needed to be done. I brought Kenzo to Momsie’s house and we precoeeded right away to the hospital.

AT the emergency room we were recieved by the staff. The room was not that busy and all seems to be in a fine sunday mood. I waited alone in an area while they check on mum. This is the time I realized that this whole thing is now about to happen. Personally it is happy to raise a kid but financially I know it will break us, which is exactly the reason why I NEVER wanted another kid (but more on that on my next post).

The last confinement of Tereh already slashed our funds but the other sad part of it is that confinement is not really needed, she was misdiagnosed, and we just burned money for nothing. Anyway, that last hospital bill made a hole on our pockets and in about two months after we are here again for another round of hospitall bills.

That is what I am telling Tereh all this time, raising a kid is very expensive and if we have two kids both of them will share our limited funds instead of just kenzo enjoying it all.

At around 10:30 am Tereh was brought to the delivery room and I was asked to get a room and wait there for instructions. At around lunch her Cervix still has not progressed to more than 3cm and I am told to wait more. At 1pm, I got a call from the Ob Gyne that Tereh’s water bag broke but her Cervix is still small and that we might need to do a CS operation. I took her advice and I was asked to signed a waiver.

I waited for a about an hour more and then I got a call that the baby was out and I can now see him in the nursery. I immediately rushed to see him and was happily surprised to see that he looks like Kenzo but just with a fairer skin and a bit smaller than his huge brother. I thought all is fine.

After the nursery, I went to the delivery room to check on Tereh. I was received by her Dr. Perpetua Gonzales and I was told that she accidentally slashed a 2cm cut on the bladder. That they are now contacting a Surgeon and a Urologist to fix the error. I was shocked by this news and I am even speechless on what would I have to do or even say. How can that happen? How stupid can they get?

Another operation was admistered and it took them about 3-4 hours before I learned that it was finished and she was just recovering. After 12 hours lying in the operation table and getting two rounds of operation they brought her to the regular room. She looked like a war victim and not someone who just brought out a beautiful kid to the world. Physically she was a mess, a catheter was inserted and a bag that collects blood was hanging from her side. She was weak and dazed.

after 4 days, the day we are about to be discharged, another bad news happened. Her doctor stalled signing the discharge until the afternoon while she already verbally told us that we can leave already that morning. But how can we leave without her discharge? We prefer to leave before the hospital cutoff of 12pm so that we wont have to paying for another day of hospital use. But NO! Her doctor has the gall to stall us, she was nowhere to be found, and only appeared in the afternoon few hours after the cutoff—which means addtional expense for us.

The total hospitall bill is paralyzing. It was the first time in my life that I am faced with not knowing how to find the money to pay the bills. Our bank accounts are not enough to cover the huge bill, considering that we still have not recovered from the last hospital bills. At that time when the bill was in front of me my mind was scampering on how to get the money.

The huge bill is for the Cs operation, nursery care, Pedia and the most painful the second operation that includes urologist, Ob Gyne, Surgeon etc.

We struggled to find how to get the money until I am forced to tap into my mother’s bank account without her knowing it. We are now literally maxed-out and in the brink of insolvency.

What should have been a great day turns ot the darkest day of my life. we are faced with the reality that our life financially have violently shifted to worst. What we are a few months back was not the case now. Our comfortable life had tipped to the other side. We now have to sacrifice and sadly Kenzo will have too.

But OVER AND ABOVE all my worries, we got a very nice, very cute, wonderful baby.

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Is it frustration or discipline?

When we hit our kids, is it to discipline or a result of frustration?

I am in a lot of stress lately ( as our finances have gone haywire and very close to being maxed out, will talk about this on my next post ) and being patient to Kenzo is getting more and more of a challenge. I realized that I was more understanding of him when our life is a lot better and times are good but this last few days it is really at its worst, that made me a bit tough on my kid. I easily snap. My set-limits are low that make me give out punishment (but nothing as violent as briusing, breaking a bone, or cuts) a bit easy than before. I would resort to shouting, punishing him by hiding his toys, ipad etc.. I would even force him to take a bath by grabbing his hand and almost wrestle him until we are done , which unlike before I would let him take his time, convince him to take a bath, promised playtime in the bathroom etc. It was a nicer scenario and easier life then.

But now, since I am in a lot of stress, I actually wished all of this to end but really it is only the start, I have been a bit harsh and I justify this by calling it discipline. Half of me tells me that I am just teaching my kid manners and how to show respect but half tells me I am just stressed and taking out my problems on him.

Being a parent is a really strange and when I thought I had it figured out then there are more puzzles to finish.

Tolerance

I have been tolerant of Kenzo’s actions and from the begining I prefer to act the role of the ‘good cop’ but as time passed I am pushed to my own limits it led me to act a bit hard. Just the other night, I tried for several times to make him stop hitting but he wont and everytime I would asked him to stop he will comeback with another round of force. Then I snap and really got mad, I would not call it all out violence but it is one of few times that really gave him a hard time.

After asking him to stop hitting, I said to stop and I warned him that’ll be MAD if he wont. I even counted to warn him more, but he still continued then I reacted by shouting, grabing his arms and brought him outside the room. I went even further by bringing him to our attic with an intention of leaving him there, I also locked him out but her mum intervene for me to stop.

He immediately said sorry, just like he always do. He would try to hug to show he is sorry, and when we hug that is the time I felt he is shaking from crying in fear, then I feel sorry for what I have done.

He cried for maybe 10 minutes and shook for about half that time. It was a real tough situation and I know if only I have a choice or I can be more tolerant ( but kinda hard now as I am now in a very stress situation) I would and should have not done it.

Discipline is a tricky thing. the line that cross discipline and violence is a thin one.

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