She dont get it (depression).
I got the news and I was devasted. I thought we are on the same page in planning the family but was misled.
It is not that I hate kids (maybe a bit) but I know I cannot handle them. I have been vocal about this but was always dismissed like it was a joke. Depression is a severe stuff and sadly filipinos stupidly thought it can be easily cured with drinking beer, partying, going to the beach or praying. Non-sufferers just do not get it that we are struggling day and night.
It is tough for us to just go on to be alive, more if we are a parent and it will going to be toughest if you have several kids to take care of. Sufferers struggle to just stand up and face the day, that alone is hard and you can just imagine how it will going to be with a kid or kids expecting us to be a dad.
As much as I can, I try to (even though it is a struggle) to sweep my temperament ‘under the rug’ and function as normal as possible. I always have to be CONCIOUSLY aware that I need to be happy and dandy and never (if possible) show grief. Just like a clown the put on a make-up, colorful costume and a shiny red nose I put on a show everyday I am with my son. Not showing the truth that behind my laughter are shadows of pain.